By Rosy Anderson
You and he are good friends who enjoy each other 's company and who do things together on and off. But gradually and over time your interest in him has changed so that you want more. You want to be THE romantic interest of his life and not just his casual friend. Your attraction for him makes you desperate to turn your casual friendly relationship into a committed romantic relationship. What are some ways to turn a casual relationship into a committed one?
i. Let him know how you feel! This may be daunting especially if he is completely clueless about how you feel. But to turn a casual relationship into a committed one he must know the new feelings that you have for him and the relationship changes that you want or hope for. The advantage is that he is your friend and you know him well enough to be able to do this properly. Think through how, where and when you will tell him so that he hears you and is able to process the information that you give him.
a. How to tell him? As simply as possible with as few words as possible. Resist the temptation to go into deep details as he needs to know right off what it is that you are saying. Using to many words and explanations may help you hide your nervousness but will confuse the issue. Be brief and to the point!
b. Where to tell him? In privacy as you don't want an audience and in a place that you would normally meet as friends. Resist the temptation to invite him to an unfamiliar romantic place as all that newness may scare him. You want to break the news in gradual doses so that its more palatable to him.
c. When to tell him? You want to tell him when he is most receptive and when he is not distracted doing other things. And you want to do it as quickly as possible so that he doesn't get a new love interest as you wait to tell him as that will torment you in unimaginable ways.
He may be shocked and you need to be mentally prepared for anything and your relationship may never be the same so you need to decide before you tell him whether you are ready for whatever his reaction may be.
ii. Drop hints about how you feel. If you do not have the courage to say it outright then you can drop hints about how you feel. You can for example turn the discussion into a hypothetical situation of what would happen if one of you falls in love with the other and see what he says. Use your imagination to let him begin to see the possibility of you and him as a couple. The advantage of this approach is that if he has no romantic interest in you then it's easier to go back to being friends as you never had a 'serious' discussion that will affect how you both act towards each other. The disadvantage is that your hints may not be strong enough and he may not get what it is that you are saying. This way is also more time consuming as you will probably have to drop many hints before he finally understands what it is that you are saying. Men don't get hints quickly and easily so this way may be a little more trying then the direct approach.
iii. Show him how you feel about him. This is usually the hardest road to travel as you have to try different ways to show him and he may just not get it. To show him you need to begin to touch him in a suggestive manner so that you touch his arm and shoulder when you talk to him. Look long and directly into his eyes when you talk. Smile suggestively and even wink when you get the opportunity. He will initially be set aback but if you persist and are fairly obvious then he will get an idea of what it is that you want and he will either stay or flee.
To turn a casual relationship into a committed one requires courage on your part and a strategy that you are comfortable with and which will work for the guy you want.
Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships. However if you want to know if he really likes you then use these 4 signs he loves you so that you can decide but if you want a strategy to win him over then use these 7 steps to win him over.
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